This relationship is very weird. I guess this has been my favourite adjective for the past many months; the reason being my lack of vocab, but frankly there are so many aspects to this relationship that I could go on and on about it.
Its one of the most multi-faceted relationships I have encountered. Well it also being one of the first relationships I had so I guess as growth and change go hand in hand so does the facets of this relationship change.
Its funny how one person can influence and shape your life so much that people say you are just like her. As a rebellious teenager u wish you never grow up to be like her. But then again u wish u did not turn out to be like most adults in your vicinity. Its only when you grow older and maybe wiser after surviving the agonising adolescence you realise that it would take years of experience to be like her and maybe a little better than her (just a wish).

This is not going to be about how special the relation between a mother and child is, its about how weird the relation between a mother and daughter is. She being your mother the obvious criteria are fulfilled like teaching things and caring and nursing etc. one can observe these in all animals, not that I am disregarding them or don’t consider them to be important but its just that there are far more complex feelings involved when u come to human mothers and their daughters.

They are your worst critiques, be it anything, from the choice of your clothes (which is plain annoying) to the people you hang out with (what does she know) to your behaviour with people or something as stupid as the way you walk- your posture. And every human being on this planet has universally accepted that mothers know what is best for their children. And they can just boss you around all your life. And seriously speaking I wouldn’t mind that as long as she is there for me for my lifetime.

She is your friend your confidante funnily even your competitor (I make better puran polis then you do; ya right, you can’t even grind the puran with your bony hands I do most of the work and you take all the credit). Hey c’mon I am being honest here okay, we all know how we feel for our mom’s but we don’t exactly worship the ground on which she walks, everyday! You can get away by saying and doing anything when it comes to your mothers. She does manage to forgive you somehow. Of course she can come up with the most appropriate punishments too. Like once I had found old rusted blades, and my friend and I went around slashing the seats of all the two wheelers in my colony. Why? Well I don’t know, all I can think of right now is vinashkari viparit buddhi. It’s a childhood thing one does things in spite of knowing its wrong. Of course when I was asked if I did it, I played dumb, but my friend had a lecture on value education that day in school and she suddenly remembered honesty is the best policy. So basically we were in deep shit. And I was in more shit because I lied. As if my mom had never lied!!! Anyways my friend didn’t face any punishment and as for me I was taken by my mom from house to house with my piggy bank (can u believe it) and made to apologise about them if they would like me to pay for it. I mean c’mon its not like I had even 20 bucks back then what with 10 paise coins still being in use!!

So I do love her and I need her approval, and I still would not like to lead my life like her but I still want to have some of her traits, and I wish she would get off my back at times and I want her arms to cry my heart out and I just wish she’d stop asking so many questions, and somewhere down the line I know she feels the same way about me.

Marriage - Mirage

When Harry met Sally they hated each other. Till they both were totally heart broken and needed a friend more than a lover. Of course they too had the same fate and they fell in love and got married. Now why did thy get married, not because they wanted to have sex, not because one of them was Hari Shah and needed a green card to stay in US and definitely not because they needed stability in their relationship.

I am not saying Harry and Sally are my ideal couple and I admire them, its just that they are widely known and also recycled in India as hum tum.

Anyways.

Over a couple of months marriage has been the talk of my household. Either about my marriage and I quote ‘my sister’s son is settled in us and wants to get married this year [as if he has an expiry date]. He is coming to India. Why don’t u send your daughter over to my place and we will fix up a meeting’; why u think I am ugly or unattractive or incapable of finding one guy on the face of this earth who would want to spend the rest of his life with me? Or am I so old that u can actually hear my biological clock ticking? Or are u the president of the parents who want to get rid of their daughters association??

And if these talks are not about me they are about others, so and so is getting married. Ok wow congratulations!!! But when u come to know that so and so is getting married and 15 days after their marriage the bride will sty in Mumbai and study and the groom will stay in Bangalore and work, it sounds ridiculous. I mean I have mixed feelings about it. Its good that they are giving their career the top priority but what’s the point of getting married? One can always get married later. Especially when u have the time to spend with each other.

Well some say marriage is a very personal thing and one should not care about other people’s opinion. Humbug!! Marriage is a state of mind and if two people feel the same way the should just get down to business, settle together and lead a normal life. However the ceremony and the tag of belonging is something that is made by society and frankly speaking if u feel married then a ceremony is just for the world to know that u have officially and legally committed to each other.

And if my friends who r going to get married feel even remotely this way they wont need the ceremony. And if they do want a ceremony then they should wait and find a date where in people can attend and give them their blessings. They claim that marriage is a milestone I completely agree and a milestone changes ones life it is supposed to be significant. And if one continues their life the same way with no progress in their relationship except for the tag of being married then it serves no purpose. In fact I’d say its not a milestone at all. In their case when they both will move in together would be a milestone and that would be the day they can consider themselves married.

Also if one cannot start living together after the ceremony then there’s no point of getting married. And it’s not just a question of a couple of months now a days many couples live apart in the initial months, but a couple of years? Then one might as well get married after a couple of years.

Or do we still believe that one should abstain till one gets married? Does it mean that one gets married to have sex and doesn’t it just make the institute of marriage look like a licensing authority for fornication?

Marriage is a celebration of two people who are deeply in love and committed to each other to declare their love in front of the society and to embark upon their journey to shape their future together. Some choose to make a hue and cry about it some prefer a small gathering of close friends. However it’s about coming together and staying together and it does not increase ones stability or security it just enriches the experience of living with a companion.

L-O-V-E


why the hell do ppl express their true feelings for each other? and frankly speaking if you are feeling aniosity its easier but love ugh!! its way to difficult.

i mean instead of declaring 'i love you' to anyone u shud just write on a stamp paper with ur initials that

'i so and so declare that henceforth the below mentioned person's mood swings, depressions, tensions are all going to affect me. the below mentioned person cn manipulate me emotionally and i will share equal responsibilty of the emotional baggage. the above mentioned person can always de-stress him/her self by being a pain in my neck and i am absolutely sure that i am game for putting my heart at risk if being mercilessly shattered several times; and that nobody shall be held responsible for emotional and mental damage if any.
i declare my true feelings for this person without any pressure and i am not under the influence of any intoxicating substance'.

declaring ur true feelings ; i'd say its better to lose all ur fortune gambling and become bankrupt and work at a farm house shaving goats pubic hair and making cow dong cakes for ur own birthday.......

how does getting a job make u a responsible person? it just makes sure u can handle responsibilities. but if u dont have a job u r responsible for so many thngs. u r responsible for not earning money. u r responsible for making ur parents worry. u r responsible for embarassing everyone coz u r a good for nothing loafer. but when u r working u r too busy to be responsible. i mean if tomorrow i start working apart from earning money i wont take aby house hold responsibilities then how come i am responsible. even at my work place i will be assigned work but it ill be a business deal. i mean its like i do this much work in this much time and i will get so and so amount of money.. to fir usme responsibiliy kahan se aayi.
i know i am making baseless arguments becoz pp will hire me if they think that i can handle responsibilities and so forth.
i am too bored to counter argue. so anyways i will sign off for now

well well well........ loser loser loser loser loser loser loser losr ........... with these words echoing in my ears, well they r just being repeated theres no echo but when a crowd of say about hundred and fifty thousand ppl say it , it gets an echo effect. and when this voice is in ur head one usually uses this particular figure of speech.
so back to my point, i m no schizo but hav this voice inside my head, reason being i m a lazy arse with no ambition no plans and no fucking desire to do anything in life. like my folks said yesterday i just push eveybody around me to their limits not mine, so that they finally give up on me and tell me u r a loser and u r incapable of anything. and thats when i acually make any effort to make my much awaited come back.
if i cud possibly have an out of body experience i wud hate myself and kick my arse. 'much awaited come back'? my foot!! i mean ek insaan khud ko kitna importance dega..
i mean, here i am sitting on my bum pretending to search for a job online!! when infact i have contacts of certain ppl who can give me a job but i m not even approaching them. i have too high expectations from myself and i know wat my dream job is gonna be but i m not even trying to go for it either. btw somebody else i know has got my dream job and i hate them..................... jealousy is my second name
i suffer from the most deadly diseases that mankind has not been able to find a remedy for 'complacency and procrastination.......................